Lord of the Bloopers
by emmerlii
Summary: This probably isn't very well written but eh. Bigger summary inside. No slash and please review and enjoy. COMPLETE!
1. Lord of the Bloopers

**Lord of the Bloopers**

**This is a one shot that I wrote out of boredom. It's just some harmless fun and I hope you enjoy it. Please review!! I can't stress enough how much I love reviews. They're what get me to write more and more.**

**~--*--~**

**Scene 1**

Frodo is happily walking into his small bedroom in Gondor when he finds Gimli braiding Legolas' hair. He stopped abruptly. 'All right then, moving on.'

Legolas and Gimli look at each other.

**Scene 2**

'Merry what are you doing?' Pippin walked into the bathroom to find Merry putting on lipstick.

'Aragorn told me the ladies love it, you should try some, Pip. It doesn't taste too bad.'

'It's for your lips not your tongue and girls wear it. Unless you're suddenly Merry the lass?'

'I'll be back...' Merry hopped down from his stool and left the room.

**Scene 3**

'What happened to you?' Frodo asked looking at a red faced Aragorn.

'Merry fell for my trick. It didn't go so well. I look like a turnip,' Aragorn said sadly.

Merry came bursting in. 'WHERE IS HE?!' Merry spotted Aragorn. He sighed. 'I'm sorry. Come here,' Merry had a smile on his face.

'AHHHHHH!'

'Meriadoc Brandybuck strikes again.'

**Scene 4**

The Fellowship are in Lothlorien. Legolas gets up to make a speech.

'You know, I have heard a lot about comedy acts lately so I thought I would give it a try. But I couldn't think of anything funny so I thought I would sing,' Legolas took a deep breath. 'In the jungle the mighty jungle the Elven prince sleeps tonight...'

'Master Elf, you live in a jungle?' Gimli asked trying tom stifle a laugh.

'I-- eat me Dwarf. I live where the air is pure. Not in stone.'

'Owned,' Sam said simply.

**Scene 5**

'Master! Master! What's it doing? Stupid fat Hobbit.'

'Oi Gollum. I'm not fat. It's all this skin it makes me look poofy. Have you seen Ice Age? I'm like the bloody mammoth.'

Frodo peered over. 'Sam what have I told you about watching child movies?'

'That they're for little kids and grown Hobbits like me shouldnt go near them.'

'That's right. Remember that and I'll let you into my club next week,' Frodo pulls out a pamflet. 'For only $99.99 you can join my no geeks club,' Frodo put on a charming smile.

Gollum gagged. 'Let's get outta here!' Sam shouted to Gollum.

**A/N: I hope it was all right. I'm not too good at writing comedy but I felt like a laugh. Anyway please review and I might write more.**


	2. Lord pof the Bloopers Part 2

**Lord of the Bloopers 2**

**I decided, after not being able to think of anything else that I would turn this into everyone pulling pranks. I find them easier to write for some reason. Tell me if you want it changed back though!**

**~--*--~**

**Scene 1**

Frodo woke up one morning to find he was tapped to his bed with just his feet hanging out. 'I really must stop drinking ale after 8:00,' he muttered to himself. He managed to get himself standing straight, but with the bed stuck to the back of him.

It was difficult to walk but somehow he managed it.

'Aragorn, there's a bed walking down the halls...' Legolas said puzzeled.

'Exsqueeze me? Just because Arwen may be getting a bit bigger these days doesn';t mean she's as fat as a bed. Now go and sit in the cor-- Ohhh. My bad, Legolas. Still Friends?'

'Till death,' Legolas muttered angrily.

'Frodo who did this to you?' Aragorn asked Frodo after he had managed to squeeze himself through the doorway.

'I have no idea. I woke up like this. Have you seen Merry or Pippin?'

'No I haven't. Not since this morning. They were lugging around lots of tape and things.'

'Right. Well kindly help me out of this. I would like to go and speak with them,' then Frodo started to cackle like a mad witch. 'Sorry it's all the ale. I need to stop or I'm going to have to go to AHA.'

'AHA,' Legolas and Aragorn were looking at Frodo confused.

'Alcoholic Hobbits Anonymous. Bilbo was there briefly.'

'Why?'

'You know you're really not a smart king, Aragorn. Stick with rangering. It suits you much more especially since all the fan girls call you ruggedly handsome.'

'Frodo I must tell you two things.'

'Go right ahead.'

'One, GO SIT IN THE NAUGHTY CORNER FOR INSULTING ME! Two, thank you for the compliment it made my day.'

Aragorn and Legolas helped Frodo out of the bed and soon he was on his way to find Merry and Pippin.

He found them sitting next to each other outside sharing an apple.

'Sharing? It's in your vocabulary? wait a minute _sharing_ an apple? what are you? Newlyweds? you're cousins you dolts now go and get two apples and I know it was you who taped me to my bed. I will get you back for it,' Frodo cackled again. 'Damn ale!'

**To Be Continued**


	3. Lord of the Bloopers part 3

**Lord of the Bloopers part 3**

Frodo walked briskly to where Merry and Pippin were. As usual they were in one of the big pantries looking for food; their favourite passtime. Frodo walked up to them and said 'I know it was you who taped me to that bed of mine. I will get you back my cousins and it will be good. You will least expect it and you will hate it,' Frodo started to laugh that strange maniac laugh he had been doing recently and walked off.

Merry and Pippin just stared at each other, not taking Frodo seriously. They went back to their search for food.

Frodo walked back to the throne room of Gondor and looked for Aragorn. 'Aragorn I need you to cut off the supply of food to Merry and Pippin when it isn't time for a meal and they are only to have one helping. It's just something I'm trying out on them. If I can go days without food they can too. And that isn't the end of my prank either,' Frodo laughed again. People started to think it was because of Gollum but no one knew and Frodo liked it that way.

~--*--~

Later that day when Merry and Pippin had gone for a walk, Frodo quietly went kinto their room and took out all their clothes and underwear; everything they owned. He took it all back to his room, not unnoticed by Sam who helped his master get the clothes into the bedroom.

'Mr. Frodo, what are you doing with Mr. Merry and Mr. Pippin's clothes?'

'I'm going to play a prank on them, Sam. Get them back for taping me to my bed the other night. You can help me if you like,' Frodo had an evil grin on his face. From behind the other side of the bed and under the floor, Frodo pulled out a small tub and some pink paint.

'Mr. Frodo, surely there is a different way to get back at them?' Sam asked though he couldn't help but smile a little.

'Nope, Sam. This is the way. I look forward to seeing it,' Frodo soon got to work dying Merry and Pippin's clothes. Sam helped by keeping watch in case Merry and Pippin happened to come by.

Soon the clothes were dyed and put back into the right drawers. Frodo had made sure he knew where everything went before he took it all out though it was a little harder now that everything was the same colour.

**Thanks for reading. Please review and I'll update soon**


	4. Lord of the Bloopers part 4

**Lord of the Bloopers part 4**

**welcome back to LOTB. I hope you enjoy this instalment. Please review and enjoy**

**~--*--~**

**Scene 1**

The next morning, Merry and Pippin found Frodo in his bedroom reading a book. They had a plan to get Frodo back for his prank that Aragorn and Legolas were currently trying to reverse, but so far they had been unsuccessful.

'Hello, Cousin, what are you up to?' Merry asked with an evil smile on his face.

'Reading, Merry What do the two of you want?' Frodo was wary of his cousins. After what he had done to them he didn't feel all that comfortable around them, but he wasn't ever going to let them win, they had to be out smarted some how.

'Oh nothing, Frodo. Can't we go around checking on our cousin with out questions being asked?' Pippin asked. The same smile on his face.

'Of couse you can,' Frodo wasn't about to do anything foolish like ask what they were up to. If he knew his cousins, which he thought he did, they would definately be up to something to get him back for his prank.

'Well good bye then, Frodo. We will see you soon,' and with that Merry and Pippin left Frodo to his book.

Soon Sam came in and sat next to Frodo. 'Mr. Frodo I thought I would just warn you that Merry and Pippin are up to something and I over heard them saying that they were planning something for tonight at tea. So watch out I think is the best thing to say right now,' Sam was shaking his head.

'Well, thank you, Sam,' Frodo clapped Sam on the back. 'We need to think up something to get them back with.'

~--*--~

That night at tea, Merry and Pippin were unusually late for a meal. 'Usually they're the first ones here,' Aragorn whispered to Arwen.

Finally Merry and Pippin showed up after waiting another ten minutes and they sat down with giant smiles on their faces.

'Can I please say something before we start this excellent feast?' Pippin stood up and looked directly at Frodo. 'It's happens to be about our dear friend Frodo here,' Frodo tensed and his hands turned into balls of white fists. Pippin went on. 'I would just like to say...' here Pippin paused for a dramatic effect, 'that Frodo has taken a liking to someone here,' Pippin looked at Arwen as did everyone else, seeing as she was the only girl there, and then everyone looked at Frodo and gasped.

Frodo felt horrible that his cousins could do this to him. He had once told them that Arwen was one of the most beautiful Elves he had ever seen but he had never taken a liking to her such as that.

'That's a lie, Arwen. I don't like you like that. I consider you a very important friend like Aragorn or Gimli, nothing more nothing less,' Frodo's voice was trembling at the sudden embarassment he felt. Arwen didn't even look at him when she spoke.

'That's all right, Frodo,' she didn't say much and every one could tell that she was terribly embarassed. Aragorn wrapped his arms around her and kissed her cheek, before saying something in Elvish to her.

~--*--~

After tea Frodo yelled at Merry and Pippin for what they had done and they truly did feel wretched now. Frodo soon left them but not with out adding that he would be getting them back twice as hard.


	5. Singing

**Singing**

**Welcome back, I got into a huge high and decided to update this. I hope you enjoy**

**Take me on the floor**

As the Fellowship were about to enter Lothlorien, Legolas got the sudden urge to belt out a tune

"Take me on the floor..."

Just as he was about to keep going Frodo stood up and said "Da da da da da-da-da-da.

Legolas continued: "I want you, I want you, I want you to show me love." Right then Boromir bounded over to the singing Elf and pressed their lips together.

"EWWWWWWWW WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU, MAN?!" Legolas screamed as he wiped his lips clean of any gross man germs. "Aragorn where did you put the disinfectant?"

"I gave the last of it to Merry and Pippin after they ate some bugs. I thought it a good precausion. Eating maggots isn't something they should be doing." Aragorn said, glaring at the two Hobbits who were currently sucking up a mound of ants with straws.

"Anyway as I was saying..."

"Singing." Sam corrected.

"SHUT UP, FATTY!" Legolas screamed again.

"Now Master Elf, if you keep squealing like a little girl, you'll have the Orcs on our arses on the double." Gimli said.

Right then, Legolas let out the biggest scream anyone had ever heard. JUST LET ME BLOODY WELL SING WILL YOU? AFTER THIS POINT IN TIME I HAVE NOTHING TO DO BUT KILL THINGS AND COMPARE MY SCORE TO YOURS YOU STUPID RED HAIRED DWARF!"

Now by this point, Legolas was getting pretty annoyed and before he could be interrupted anymore, he went on with his song. "One look at you and I know what you're thinking. Times a bitch—"

"LEGOLAS, ELVES DON'T SWEAR, THEY HAVE MORALS!" Frodo screamed at the Elf.

Legolas picked up the small Hobbit and through him, with surprising force, through the trees.

"I REGRET NOTHING!" Frodo screeched as he flew.

"Well that was smart, Legolas, now who will save all of Middle Earth when you just through the Ring bearer through a whole bunch of trees and more than likely to his death?" Aragorn said, looking at his reflection in his sword and giving himself and Gimli a facial.

Aragorn followed suit after Frodo when Legolas picked him up and threw him.

Haldir, who had been alerted to the Fellowship's presence via Legolas' awful singing and shouting, had gotten up from his tea to go and have a look. Just at that moment, Frodo went flying past him.

"What was that?" Haldir asked one of his guards, though why a guard needed a guard while a third guard stood idly by no one had any idea.

"It was a Hobbit with the dreaded Ring of power, Lord. Shall I go and get him?"

"No. This is supposed to be my vacation. Next time Celeborn gives me the day off, I'm going to Honalulu."

Then Aragorn went past.

"RIGHT, THAT'S IT! I AM GOING TO CELEBORN TO ASK HIM IF I CAN HAVE A RAISE OR ELSE I'M LEAVING THIS DRATTED STORY FOREVER!"

Within five minutes, Haldir was off to Honalulu.

**Thanks for reading. I'll update soon, I hope. **


	6. Oddities

**Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to any songs by the Jackson 5.**

"It is not the eastern shore that worries me. A shadow and a threat have been growing in my mind. Something draws near, I can feel it." Legolas said warily.

"_Can you feel it_?" One person started singing. They had no idea where it was coming from.

Gimli stood up, "Who's there?" With his axe in hand, the Dwarf began swinging at the air around him and fell over. Pippin laughed.

"Gimli quit it! These Pixie Elves might thing you're trying to cast a spell." Aragorn said.

"Aragorn, shush. Since the start of this freaking movie, you seemed to have lost all masculinity. Even now you've got pig tails!" Gimli had had enough of Strider now.

Aragorn blew a raspberry towards the Dwarf and discreetly floated his tutu down the river.

"_Can you feel it_?" The person who said this jumped down from a tree. "Hello. "_All the colours of the world should be lovin' each other wholeheartedly. _Hi, I'm Michael. These are my brothers Tito, Jermaine, Jackie, and Marlon. Come and dance with us." Out of nowhere came catchy dance music, and Pippin, Gimli, Aragorn, Legolas and the Five Brothers began to dance.

Merry ran off into the distance. People aren't sure if the story of him marrying a tree is true, but Hobbits like a good story, so it's what they like to believe.

"Mr. Frodo, I don't know if it's just be goin' crazy, but... Um, can you hear music? It sounds foreign." Sam was looking around the River Anduin as if something mystical was about to jump out of the water.

Frodo laughed hysterically pointed at nothing behind Sam, who turned and looked, screamed "FOOLED YOU!" in a high pitched voice and then fell into the river.


End file.
